These green beads are used to decorate flower bouquets for a wedding. That’s not what I bought them for. I am supposed to keep a count with them. To keep count of the moments when I am happy.
My shrink told me this one when I asked for some more applicable approaches to changing my outlook on life, to be more mindful in that way I guess. Usually its done with beans; you are supposed to keep a bunch in your pocket, and whenever you notice that you are happy you take one and put it in the pocket on the other side of your pants.
I bought 6. I assume they will last me the whole week, travelling from pocket to pocket.
The thing is that just like with writing a journal, actually acknowledging nice and good things in my life makes me devalue these things. Whenever something seems worth writing down or spending a bead on, I doubt that it is something to be happy about. But lets stick to this one, lets see what happens.
So I saw the Avengers movie and I enjoyed it, at least the second half. But once more, the audience spoils all entertainment. Just like it was with Iron Sky. So I think we can all agree on these simple rules when we are going to the movies.
Be on time. If you come in after the trailers started, loudly talking about how you are so smart because you knew that you could skip the commercials and all the suckers in here had to sit through the ice cream ads… well, I’m not gonna pull in my knees to make room for you to get to your seat. I might even try to trip you.
The things that you say about the movies that they show trailers for make me judge you. So just keep your mouth shut. See below.
KEEP YOUR MOUTH SHUT! We all paid way too much money to be entertained by the things that happen on the silver screen, not in the seats around us. I don’t care that you got the joke that the scruffy action hero just made. Not me, not your friends that you keep chatting to. I probably think the joke that you laughed about was stupid anyways, and its gonna make me miss a smarter, more subtle joke, that I can feel superior about.
Open your contraband candy that you smuggled in before the movie starts. DO NOT think that opening them slowly later on is gonna be any more quiet.
If you kick my seat, even by accident, I’m gonna cut of one of your limbs. Both as a lesson and as a precaution.
I think this is fair and reasonable, would’t you say?
PS: If your phone is bright enough to project the word „facebook“ bat signal style on the ceiling of the cinema, please don’t use it, or I might take notes and fuck with your online life.
So lets own it. I have shied away from posting here because I felt bad for not catching up. The 366 thing is done, I wasn’t able to do it. Not even close. Lets gather the shards and see if I can learn anything from it.
Well, DHL got creative with the delivery again. They dropped it of at the divey sports bar around the corner, but I picked it up today. I am in LOVE with the body. Honestly. Better than I thought it would be. The quilted maple top could have some more distinctive wood grain, but I don’t think I can expect AAA maple on a kit guitar that is around 200€…
To me, fighting what I have to call my emotional imbalance is an act of wrangling forces that are out of equilibrium themselves. Being depressed is not being sad, that is not how most people describe it. What I tend to hear is this feeling of disaffection, this lack of engagement in your or others affairs. You can’t enjoy things. You can’t really be upset either. So when I started learning how to enjoy, I soon figured out that being mindful about the things you do and enjoying them, forcing yourself to enjoy anything really, is hard work. I need prolonged times of very pleasant circumstances to even notice that I am happy with something (notice that I can’t get myself to say that I am ever truly completely happy).
The dizzying imbalance shows itself in how easily this scaffolding of illusions gets toppled before it can establish itself as the new normality. You get to spend your days with friends, feeling so comfortable in their company, so reinforced by the positive experience of companionship, of feeling appreciated, so relieved that you don’t really play pretend but finally can present yourself honestly without fearing rejection. Yet all it takes is one little black pebble trown in there, one minor action that I consider unjust by a person on the periphery of my life, to make me question all of it, to make it worthless.
I am glad that I am aware of it this time. Glad that can try to counteract, to balance things out this time. But man. You can be the best juggler in the world, sooner or later your gonna run around the stage, picking up clubs and balls, looking like you are chasing ducks.
So I went out with some friends today, to have some drinks and some pleasant conversation. To make sure that the waitress would think about us often and keeps us well supplied with drinks I did the napkin rose for her, and that went over alright.
During the evening, my buddy and me practiced that some more, so that we had 2 more roses lying on the table when we paid and wanted to leave. The waitress, in mock offense, asked me if I would do that for every woman.
Now I admit that I had a few Shirley Temple Of Dooms (Makers Mark+ginger ale) and my brain was trying to catch up with my tongue, as it does so often.
So I told her to wait, that I would show her a trick that I don’t show everybody, and I started looking for my rubber bands on my wrists to launch into Crazy Mans Handcuffs…
All while asking loudly „Now, where are my rubbers?“
Next thing I know is that the waitress is gone, and my friends are taking me out of the bar, laughing at me, explaining what I just said.